Disciplining kids is a tricky task. What works with one kid may not work for others. But I would say that, the most important policy is to be consistently consistent. The repetition of the word is only to stress the fact that consistency is of extreme importance. It is the sole distinguisher between a parent who kids obey and a parent who kids do not obey. No matter what system you follow, you have to follow it to the T. If the child senses you slipping he/she will start manipulating you. Whenever you say something, the kids should know that you mean it. If they do not follow it there will be consequences to face. Avoid making unrealistic threats, like," Back answer again and you will never get to touch that remote", since not following through will weaken all your threats. Most often than not parents start off with a bang, but loose the momentum soon. The rules that we enforce have to remain constant. When you start seeing good results you cannot start being lenient.
Discipline can be different at different ages. A toddler can be disciplined with a time-out or naughty corner concept. As per the age of the child he spends time in a corner or room, alone. So if it is a 2 yr. old then 2 min. For a 4 yr. old 4 minutes. Here too, it is important that you follow through with this. If you have told the child to go into time out you have to make sure that they do. It should not be a common threat throughout the day, which is rarely enforced. If the child refuses to go, you hold him/her take her there and sit her down and hold her there gently yet firmly. Avoid making any conversation during this time. This should be a time when the child thinks about his/her actions and their consequences. At this time if they are engaged in arguments or explanations, they will loose out on the purpose of it. Explain to them what they have done wrong, before they are in time-out, not during.
For older children, 6 and above, you need a slightly different approach. One system that my husband follows, and which works best for us is a point system. Each child maintains a chart of ticks and crosses. There is a rule book for how you earn or loose points. And each point can be en-cashed for an amount. In our case, each point is Rs.40 (approx. 60 cents). So, when we go shopping, they can buy whatever they want worth the points that they have accumulated. Here they are getting rewarded for good behavior and also punished for bad one. They like this system as they feel like they are in control. They are eager to earn points. Our rules are e.g. 1. Taking a bath before 7.00 pm. 2 points. 2. Bath just before 8.00 pm 1 point. 3. Going to bed after 9.15 pm 1 cross. etc. I think you have got the gist of it. You can make your own rules and it is always a good idea to think them through before you set them. Changing them later will make the kids think that, rules can be changed and are negotiable.
Teenagers may seem like they have grown up and understand the rules by now, but they need to be reminded every once in a while. We need to deal with teenagers lot a more sensitively. With the hormones surging, an authoritarian tone does not go down well with them. Treat them as equals. Use reasoning more than enforcing. Remember what we were like, at their age and deal with them the way we would have wanted our parents to deal with us. When your teen breaks rules, along with taking away privileges, discuss with them about their action, always being on their side. Do not point mistakes, only explain what they should do the next time. Similar to the above point system, let them earn a night where you relax the rules for them. At this age, more than any other, an occasional flexibility on the parents side shows that you understand them. It is important to maintain the trust and not only become a disciplinarian.
At then end of the day, every house has their own rules and parenting styles. Feel free to share your views with us. Happy Parenting!!
Discipline can be different at different ages. A toddler can be disciplined with a time-out or naughty corner concept. As per the age of the child he spends time in a corner or room, alone. So if it is a 2 yr. old then 2 min. For a 4 yr. old 4 minutes. Here too, it is important that you follow through with this. If you have told the child to go into time out you have to make sure that they do. It should not be a common threat throughout the day, which is rarely enforced. If the child refuses to go, you hold him/her take her there and sit her down and hold her there gently yet firmly. Avoid making any conversation during this time. This should be a time when the child thinks about his/her actions and their consequences. At this time if they are engaged in arguments or explanations, they will loose out on the purpose of it. Explain to them what they have done wrong, before they are in time-out, not during.
For older children, 6 and above, you need a slightly different approach. One system that my husband follows, and which works best for us is a point system. Each child maintains a chart of ticks and crosses. There is a rule book for how you earn or loose points. And each point can be en-cashed for an amount. In our case, each point is Rs.40 (approx. 60 cents). So, when we go shopping, they can buy whatever they want worth the points that they have accumulated. Here they are getting rewarded for good behavior and also punished for bad one. They like this system as they feel like they are in control. They are eager to earn points. Our rules are e.g. 1. Taking a bath before 7.00 pm. 2 points. 2. Bath just before 8.00 pm 1 point. 3. Going to bed after 9.15 pm 1 cross. etc. I think you have got the gist of it. You can make your own rules and it is always a good idea to think them through before you set them. Changing them later will make the kids think that, rules can be changed and are negotiable.
Teenagers may seem like they have grown up and understand the rules by now, but they need to be reminded every once in a while. We need to deal with teenagers lot a more sensitively. With the hormones surging, an authoritarian tone does not go down well with them. Treat them as equals. Use reasoning more than enforcing. Remember what we were like, at their age and deal with them the way we would have wanted our parents to deal with us. When your teen breaks rules, along with taking away privileges, discuss with them about their action, always being on their side. Do not point mistakes, only explain what they should do the next time. Similar to the above point system, let them earn a night where you relax the rules for them. At this age, more than any other, an occasional flexibility on the parents side shows that you understand them. It is important to maintain the trust and not only become a disciplinarian.
At then end of the day, every house has their own rules and parenting styles. Feel free to share your views with us. Happy Parenting!!
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